he died of a heart attack...brought on by $15 blackjack.

i was at the airport yesterday watching airplanes and killing time until i had to pick up my aunt, and along with me, amongst other people, there was a family there with children. if you asked me what i thought a child's reaction to a plane taking off would be, i would guess excitement. apparently these children found it amusing to run after the plane while pretending to shoot guns at it.

thats not scary at all.


this was a conversation i had last night while at the venetian.

guy at blackjack table: "i have to go, i can't play this. i just can't play $15 a hand. i need a $5 table"
me: "you are not going to find that at the venetian. ever."
guy: "well i just can't play. they need to have a $5 table"
me: "that will never happen here. not on any night"
guy: "ok well i am just going to go. this is ridiculous. this just isn't right"

what a baby! who comes to las vegas on a friday night and expect $5 blackjack at any strip property? even the $5 handicap table at the bellagio, the one on the southeast end of the table games closest to registration with only 3 open spots for non-handicap people...doesn't even have $5 blackjack on friday nights. not that i know or anything.


note to people: whn u write on ur fb n u spl shit lk this, u r makin urself look lk a fking idiot. thx!


i dont know how to tell you this, but if you find yourself playing beer pong in the back of the imperial palace casino in your swim trunks around 1am...there may be a good chance that if someone was giving away awards for classiness, you would not win one. also if you are the girlfriend of the guy in his swim trunks and you are the one playing beer pong with him in your bathing suit, you probably will not be winning one either. and you can forget classiest couple. im just saying.


this morning i heard a really loud annoying noise out my bedroom window as i was trying to sleep. i was highly considering yelling "can you please be quiet" but decided i wouldn't be that mean lady who yells out the window. it was a good thing because as it turns out, the noise was coming from guys who were pouring cement into the holes for the footngs...for the patio cover...in my back yard.

pause before you...ah, forget it...im rich.

...so basically play before you pause...if you are not wealthy. however, if you have money and people to take care of your baby while you go out and preach abstinence (irony) and make commercials (and not to mention tens of thousands of dollars) that only stem from the fact that you did get knocked up, well then, in the words of the great poet missy elliot...get ur freak on.

some people think she is doing a good thing by going out and preaching abstinence to teens because she has been there and, well, she knows all about it! i have a feeling that putting on jeans and a plain t-shirt and filming a PSA in an empty apartment with some child actor is far from what it's like actually living alone in an empty apartment with a baby that forces you to sacrafice everything just so that it can eat and have diapers. nice try bristol palin, but i would have to say your psa is an epic failure.

also an epic failure, your mom. at pretty much everything other than saying really stupid shit.

16 and pregnant...oops

so apparently i am playing a new game called "how many generic rejections can i get from mgm mirage"

Dear SAMANTHA,
Thank you for your interest in the position of CONCIERGE at Mandalay Bay.
Unfortunately, we are unable to extend a job offer to you at this time.

Dear SAMANTHA,
Thank you for your interest in the position of CONCIERGE at Mirage.
Unfortunately, we are unable to extend a job offer to you at this time.

Dear SAMANTHA,
Thank you for your interest in the position of SLOT MARKETING ANALYST at Mirage.
Unfortunately, we are unable to extend a job offer to you at this time.

Dear SAMANTHA,
Thank you for your interest in the position of ADVERTISING ACCOUNT SUPERVISOR at MGM MIRAGE.
Unfortunately, we are unable to extend a job offer to you at this time.

fml.


if you almost hit a homeless person with your car are you obligated to give them a couple dollars for the trauma they may or may not have experienced?


after watching my fav fav fav reality show, 16 and pregnant, very thoroughly over the last few months, i have decided that maybe it needs a cooler name. 16 and pregnant...then something clever. the following are my suggestions;

16 and pregnant

...because abortion isn't an option in our conservative family
...because my piece of shit boyfriend will change when the baby comes, i just know it
...neither of us have jobs but we will make it work
...but i still think i should be able to party every night
...because my mom will just take care of the baby
...fuck, this was a bad idea
...and my piece of shit boyfriend is still a piece of shit, damn