i will most def find that cure for cancer, just let me finish my fried chicken!

dear mcdonalds corporation,

please do not end this super fantastic $1 any size drink promotion you have going on. i will drink one every day if you keep it going. i may drink two.

what i think is hilarious though is that down the street at terribles, you can get a 32 oz soda for 75 cents. but guess what...you physically have to get out of your car to obtain one of these soda beverages. no thanks.

mcdonalds - "guess what america, you can get a large coke for one dollar and you don't ever have to get your lazy ass out of your car"

terribles - "damnit"


yesterday i was watching toddlers and tiaras on tlc...and i have to say, holy shit.

while there were so many moments that stick out to me as "wtf" moments, i will kind and only share my top three gems of the episode.

3. "contestant number 34...likes gymnastics...chicken and french fries" - apparently she has yet to learn the phrase about having cake and eating it too. or in this case french fries.

2. "when aubrey is on stage she is just so beautiful" - this wouldn't be bad except for the fact that it came out of the mouth of her creepy uncle standing in a hallway. hey creepy uncle, is there a reason why you aren't inside cheering her on? oh wait, what? you cant come within 50 feet of the children and this interview took place at a completely different location? ahh, gotcha.

1. "contestant number 17 loves fried chicken and wants to find a cure for cancer"...i got nothing.

honorable mention..."her one wish would be that everyone else's wishes come true"

....bullshit squared.

what i love the most is that all the moms seem to think this is turning there girls into people with "great self esteem". well moms, if by building self esteem you creating that mean little piece of shit in third grade who makes fun of everyone while she's throwing up her lunchable in the bathroom...then you are so right! go you mom! keep on living your own unaccomplishable dreams through your snotty 8 year old with fake teeth and eyelashes.

i love living in america at a time when we get to televise our freak shows. back in the day you had to be lucky to come across such batshit crazy people in action. now just turn on tv....and its awesome!

nice hummer freak.

today on my way to work i saw a hummer. now, my immediate reaction is "wow, what a great display of douche-bagery"...because only weirdos drive hummers. i have known two and one happened to be a woman who worked jobs from the staffing agency and would spend her hours at events telling us about her vast array of michael kors clothing and how everyone loves her.

one time she told me that at sema, the car convention, they were making her a spokesmodel and asking her to stand in front of all the "action". i showed up and she was taking auto parts and placing them in cabinets. spokesmodel eh? did i mention she was about 42.

now this hummer that i saw, it was unlike any hummer. i would describe it as...say...a hummer on moron steroids. ironically, the driver was probably on steroids too.

the driver of this classy mobile had his hummer covered in louis vuitton design.

"hey ladies, if you haven't figured out by my personality and my hummer that i have a tiny weiner, i thought i would demonstrate that for you by covering my car in your purse pattern in an attempt to impress you and take away the focus on the aformentioned tiny weiner that i have"


last weekend i got an iphone.

life changing.

i was able, yesterday, to participate in a relgious-driven facebook debate while i waited in line at taco bell! also, i have an app that tells me all the current happy hours going on right now.

half price well drinks at spearmint rhino anyone?

take the bastard back you woman!

from the focus on the family website

QUESTION: My husband, Paul, has been having an affair for the past three months and is living with the woman. How should I respond in the event that he leaves her and asks me to forgive him and take him back? Should I just throw my arms open and pretend the affair never happened?

ANSWER: Well, you should certainly take him back. That's the point of everything I've written. But your power to negotiate necessary changes will never be greater than in that moment, and you should not deal it away too quickly.


...yeah lady. im sorry your husband is a cheating bastard and has left you completely to live with the other woman. however, because i am ignorant jerk who could care less about your situation and only wishes to follow my religious beliefs, you need to take him back. that is, if he will have you. and you better hope he wants you back because without a man...honey you are useless!


i am starting to regret not stopping at the focus on the family information center in colorado springs. my sister is convinced that i would have gotten us arrested though. i am not totally convinced otherwise, but i would have liked to give it a try.

jeremy the jerk.

i learned a very valuable lesson today. if you have any idea that you may or may not be watching a television show involving up close and personal camera shots of someone getting a nose job, it's a good idea to hold off on eating lunch. i suspect that while i was watching this show, it looked like the youtube reaction videos of people watching "two girls one cup". if you have not watched these videos, please do so now. the parents/grandmas are the best.


of all the magical things that happened on our "posen or bust" roadtrip 2010 over the last few days, one of the best happened to be the kum and go gas stations. it wasn't, however the actual kum and go location that was of great excitement, but rather the conversation that ensued when we found out that they were having a "name our cup" contest. here are just a few of the entries that both my sister and i would like to submit.

kum sipper
kum drink
big kum gulp
big kum blast
medium, large, extra large
load buster

also, we thought if they needed a new advertisement..."with 35 locations in the des moines area, you can pretty much kum in one our locations, any time, day or night".

we also saw a gas station called "loaf n jugs" and we thought maybe kum and go could merge...

kum and jugs.


its funny how many random things come up on roadtrips. for instance, we were able to determine our price for being strapped onto the end of a windmill arm in nebraska and flung around for 10 rotations. my sister said $10,000. i came in a little lower at $500.


also, we were listening to christian radio and at one point, the guy said that if we support ENDA and allow businesses to be punished for discriminating against homosexuals, it will, of course, result in more gay marriages. yeah, i didn't follow that either! so, because we were stuck in a car with nothing else to do, i called the number they gave. i ended up on the line with guy named jeremy who after 15 minutes was unable to provide me with any type of research or facts to back up the statement. jeremy didn't seem to like my liberal point of view however he was nice enough to use his internet connection to attempt to find some pro-ENDA groups that i could contact. shockingly, after looking all over the world wide web, he could find none.

hey jeremy, i typed in pro-ENDA into yahoo! and found like two. i get a feeling jesus wouldn't like your dishonesty!

i do think jesus would enjoy the kum and jugs gas station though. he was a man after all.