dear dad, i love you. also i got you this eraser.

its always been my hope to get into a verbal disagreement on a national holiday. such a strange request one may think. however, imagine you are just finishing up your exchange of words with this asshole (i would never verbally brawl with someone who wasn't) and you get to say..."ya know what, happy fucking easter to you too!!" or "merry fucking christmas to you too!" or "happy 4th of july to you! why don't you go shove a firework up your ass"

suggesting a firework up the ass just doesn't have the same effect on a random wednesday.


the other day at work, one of my co-workers announced that she thinks the activia is what is giving her constipation. my first thought was that if i had gone the entire day with knowing this, i probably would have survived. my next thought was that she needs to write a letter about this. thanks to jamie lee curtis, we are all aware of how activia can cure your digestive system woes. i just feel like taking the activia challenge without the outcome of dropping a smooth deuce is something to be brought to the attention of...someone (not in the office). wouldn't that be like buying pepto bismal that gave you violent diarrhea? what about viagra that made you limp for hours? epic failure.

note to self: stick with yoplait.


when i was younger, they used to have christmas gift fairs in the library at our school. i don't know about anyone else, but these things were a breeding ground for shit your parents won't ever use. now i understand that its nice to give school children the ability to get their sister or dad a gift and pick it out on their own, but what adult with a conscience physically removed money from my hand and replaced it with a gigantic eraser that said "worlds greatest dad"? i was in kindergarten and had limited funding, yes. but what evidence (written in pencil) is my dad going to be getting rid of that he needs a 6' by 2' worth of erasing power? i don't blame me. i blame capitalism.